Hurting Heart

The aches and pains of a hurting heart.
Shredding with every breath you muster.
Cracking with every bat of an eye lash.
Shattering under the weight of words from those who love you.
Loving you in an incomplete way.
Loving you from inside themselves, incapable of loving you as you.
Because you are broken.
Because you are fragile.
Their love can move mountains and it can destroy continents.
Those who love the one with a broken heart cannot understand the power they hold over their loved one.
Those who love the one with a broken heart lose themselves trying to love something that is broken in a complete way.
Leaving two parties broken.
One to blame.
And one to shame.
One helpless.
The other tired.
A vicious cycle of pain and aches inside a hurting heart.

Alone

Sitting, in a crowd of people. Outcasted in a tight knit group. Sitting elbow to elbow, limb to limb. Amongst laughter, geering, inside jokes-- all from the outside. Sitting in a crowd of people alone.
It is more than discrimination. More than depression. More than difference of opinion. More than it would seem. It is the suffocation, the lack of acceptance, the ignorance. Those closest to you, physically, emotionally and socially cannot see. See who you are. See how alone you are. See how weak the plane you sit on is. They choose not to see. They choose to be.
They choose to sit knee to knee, limb to limb. Laughing and geering-- relating. In ways they do not understand, they bond and stick and become. They become a crowd. A pack. A unit. Smoothed into one without seams, simply there.
We sit in these crowds, feeling alone because of an element of that crowd. An element of one. There is that one person that ties you to this unit. But numbers always rule. The numbers are what hold importance. That element will always be primarily pulled to said crowd.That element will always drift to its unit. Elements are meant for a system, to
The element will return to its natural place and that is how one becomes a lone, broken, and irrelevant element in an already developed exclusive unit. A unit that moves smoothly. A unit filled by elements . Your relating element does not make you a part of the unit. The element brings you to the unit and places you on the outside, hoping you find your way inside the unit. It is true what they say-- every "man for himself" If you cannot find your own way into the unit, you clearly were not meant for this unit anyhow.
Survival of the fittest is a joke. For strength is in numbers. Pain is in solitude. Alone.With one's thoughts. Unfortunately, one's thoughts are one's enemies, the worst critic, the scariest place one can be is alone. To be alone in silence is suffocating and can remove one from the reason to stay in solitude. But to be alone in company is deafening. To sit alone surrounded by a crowd and someone you love, unnoticed. People are blind to their words and actions, the pains they cause the exclusions they create.
Those who use the notion that "it's every man for himself" has never tried being alone, fighting to find a home. Those who came up with this idea are used to inclusion. Always having a soft spot to land, never facing the pain of solitude.

Some Pains Never Cease

Some pains never cease.

            In a world where people come and go like the tide, whether it be due to relocation, death, or severed ties is hardly relevant. Some would say human beings are designed to love, but I do not believe this to be true. Yes, many love, yes many find love in others and if they are fortunate enough—in themselves. However, love is not simply in the word, it is connections. Love is formed through connecting with that which surrounds us.

            Connections are made between both living and inanimate objects, no one person can be the judge of what another could connect with or love. Connections can be made with body language, words, attraction—whether that be to a specific thing, color, sent etc.—we make connections daily without realizing.

            Sadly, just as easily as connections can be made, they can also be broken. Most commonly connections are severed unwillingly by both parties through things such as death, moving, or other forces out of individuals control. While death is painful and the grieving processes suffocating it is somewhat easier to cope with than other things which sever connections. When someone is forced to move away, or dies unexpectedly one can eventually come to terms with it as destiny, fate or out of their control, because, in all honesty, those conclusions are probably a fair conclusion. So despite the initial pain which the permanent separation death presents, the pain can easy with justifications most human beings use to cope.

            The most painful way in which connections are broken is through miscommunication. For with miscommunication comes hatred, guilt, and inward questioning. To form a connection and to love another is a powerful thing, and for that to be knowingly severed is much harder to justify to oneself. To know that you were willingly left, abandoned, shunned or discarded is a painful thing. Furthermore, it is just as painful to sever connections ourselves. I do not wish to judge those who sever connections, nor am I intending to pity those who were left behind—so to speak.

            To be left behind by someone you loved or connected with can be confusing, tormenting, and depressing. One’s mind leads to questions no human being should have to feel. Is it me? Did I break this? I am broken? Should anyone want me? Do I deserve this? Am I that bad? Feelings of self-doubt can be twice as suffocating as a sealed coffin. Self-doubt is hard to shake, maybe another connection is made which reassure you that it really is not your fault that previous connection was broken… and maybe the second you think this thought that connection leaves you as well. To be left, willingly, more than once slowly digs you a grave which depression gladly fills and hugs you tight.