This Will Destroy You

I know few like to read long captions, but just this once. 

I live in a world where family thinks it's ok to create and hold grudges until each and every part breaks into separate pieces. I live in a world where friends come and go like the seasons. I live in a world where the person behind the screen means more than the one sitting two inches away. 

I have been listening to an instrumental peace by "This Will Destroy You" and each night I lose myself in this song. And each morning I wake up thinking "Today Will Destroy Me". I may not live in poverty. I may have two parents who love and care for me. But life sure wasn't thinking of me when it pulled out the lucky stick. Each day I feel like something is working against me. Each day I feel burdened and weighed down. I am constantly losing. 

Over the past several years I have lost many best friends, some just in touch, others in death. I have lost many family members, again in touch and in death— mostly in death. Sometimes, losing contact is our own faults, but most the time: it is the world we live in.

We expect one another to stay in touch by watching Facebook or Instagram or shooting a text. Face to face interactions have lost their value.  Relationships have been diminished to social media. Social media has opened new doors to unfaithfulness, new doors to quick and easy communication, new doors to passing judgement. But not new doors to human connection.

Me, I love to write— words and music— nearly as much as I enjoy reading them. So this is why I am rambling today. I am done being suppressed. Suppressed by what social media has to tell me about my friends. Suppressed by how I compare to someone else. 

I am me. And that is uniquely great. So goodbye for now. I am going to detox myself from this new world for a while. I am so tired of feeling the weight of social media. It's time for a break. It's time to start feeling again. 

Glorifying Pain

I think the saddest thing I have seen in humanity is our lack of showing humanity. We take one another for granted. When one is sick or hurt, we pour out our love— in mountains. But outside of painful situations or special occasions how often do we stop to show love for one another? We often forget— the absense of reminders can cause just as much pain.
I have come to realize, despite hating drama, I crave pain. It is when I am in pain or need that those around me show me they care or love me. It is similar to training an animal. If I say no and you obey you get a treat. For me I have been trained that if I feel pain those around me will try to remind me I am loved. With pain comes comfort. When I do not feel pain they forget that I still need them and their love. People are willing to reach out when they see issues, but without that need to reach out, few  look outside of themselves.
We have come to a terrifying point. A point where another person only matters when they are hurting, otherwise, it is all about number one.